The Dirty Diary
by Heathyluv
Summary: Zits, boners, hair growth in weird places, body odor, urges, mood swings, wet dreams...Yeah, puberty sucks-big time. This story is told from a young Ennis's POV as he and Jack experience the pitfalls of puberty and try to make sense of it all.


**The Dirty Diary**

**May 13, 1993**

I _haaaate _getting up for school in the morning. I really hate it. I hate when my mom comes in my room and turns off my fan and opens the blinds. I hate it.

"Wake up, honey," my mom always says. I hate that, too. She's always so happy and smiley in the morning. I'd be smiling, too if I didn't have to go to school.

I can't wait to be older. Being twelve sucks. I'm starting to see all the cliques forming in school, like the ones you see on _Beverly Hills, 90210_. Yes, I'll admit it, I watch _90210_, but I'm not the only one. Jack likes that show, too. We watch it together every Thursday night. We usually watch it at my house because I have a TV in my room, (it's black and white and barely works) and because Jack and I like watching it alone.

Jack and I don't really fit into any clique. We played baseball last year, but it definitely wasn't our thing, so we quit. That means we don't meet the criteria for the 'Jock' clique. We aren't nerds. We aren't rich kids. We aren't losers. I'm not sure where Jack and I belong. We're just different, I guess.

Jack and I have been best friends forever. Our mom's were friends before we were even born, which works out to our advantage because our parents always allow us to sleep over each other's houses, even on school nights.

Jack and I are in the same grade, but he's a year older than me. He was held back a year in the second grade. I guess he had a really hard time learning to spell and wrote things backwards sometimes. I really don't know.

All the girls at school are starting to think they're too good for us guys or something. They do. They act all snobby now and only talk to the guys that are really good looking and into sports. Whatever.

My mom made eggs this morning. I'm so sick of eggs. She says that cereal has too much sugar in it and that it will stunt my growth. I say she's full of it and doesn't know what she's talking about. Jack's mom lets him eat Coco Puffs and Lucky Charms and all kinds of awesome stuff for breakfast and he looks fine. I think my mom is just nuts.

School was really boring today. The only fun part was lunch. We had tacos. Oh, and I got another damn zit on my forehead. Great.

**May 17, 1993**

Today was an interesting day. Very , so, I woke up this morning with my first-_uh-oh, what do I do?_- boner. I've gotten hard a couple times before when climbing the rope in gym class, but not like this. This was different.

I was sleeping soundly on my stomach, my face mashed into my pillow, when I suddenly felt this weird tingle "down there." I rubbed myself into the mattress a little, but he tingles got worse, like something might happen, what, I hadn't a clue. I rolled onto my back, looked down, and saw my_-you-know-what_-trying to poke out the front of my pajama bottoms. I glanced around my bedroom, just be 100% sure that I was alone, before pulling my pants down to investigate. Still clueless.

In school they used to teach "the birds and the bees" class to us seventh graders, but I guess a few parents got upset with that and said we were too young. So, thanks to them, I now have to wait until next year for my first real sex-ed class. That really sucks because I need to know these things like right now.

"Ennis!" I heard my mom holler from downstairs. "Jack is here!"I quickly pulled my pants back up, shook my head, and remembered it was Saturday. No school, thank God.

I flew out of bed, and jumped up and down a couple times, hoping it would make my pecker go back to its normal self...but it didn't.

I peeked my head out into the hallway, concealing my lower half behind my bedroom door. "Mom? Can you send Jack up?" I asked cautiously. I heard my mom mumble something, to whom I assumed was Jack, and then heard his familiar footsteps tromping up the stairs. A wave of relief washed over me when I saw Jack's face. He always makes me feel normal and not weird.

"Check it out, Ennis!" Jack said, waving around a new Nintendo game. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and yanked him into my room.

"What's wrong, Ennis?"Jack and I tell each other everything, and I mean _everything,_ but for the first time ever, I felt really embarrassed and uneasy about confiding in him. I've seen Jack's dick plenty of times before and he's seen mine, but that was a while ago, and we were just playing "Doctor." What kids _don't _play Doctor? They all do, right? Right...?

I placed my hands over the bulge in my pants and sat down on the floor beside Jack. Jack looked at me funny. "Come on. Let's play!" he said, inserting the game cartridge into my Nintendo.

"O...kay," I said, my voice cracking. Jack handed me a controller. I looked at my crotch, hoping this _thing_ had gone away, but it hadn't.

"What guy do you want to be?" Jack asked, his eyes fixated on the TV screen.

"Uh...whoever. I don't care."

Jack's jaw dropped to the ground and he turned his head in my direction. "What do you mean, you don't care? Ennis! This is like...the newest and coolest game ever! You don't care? What's wrong with you?"

I tossed my controller to the floor and let out a long sigh. I was really anxious and prayed Jack would pick up on that. He did.

"Okay, spill the beans. What's wrong?" Jack asked, lowering the volume on the TV.

"Nothing..."

"Ennis. Come on. Tell me."

I looked up and into Jack's eyes. I really like his eyes. They're so big and blue. Mine are brown and boring. "Alright, but you can't laugh at me, okay?"

"I won't," Jack replied. I believed him. Jack's only a year older than me, but he seems to know way more stuff than I do. He likes when I ask him questions.

"Um..."

"Just spit it out."

"Okay. So...um...I woke up this morning and my...um...you-know-what was hard..._really_ hard."

"Huh?"

"_You know..._," I whispered, glancing at my crotch. Jack looked between my legs.

"_Oooh._.._that_."

"Yeah, _that._" I felt my face get red.

"Is it...still like _that_?" Jack asked. I nodded.

"Not as bad as when I first woke up, but yeah..." I spread my legs a little more to give Jack a better look.

"I see," Jack replied, scratching his chin.

"Has this ever happened to you?" I asked.

"Yeah. A couple times."

We both sat there in silence for a few seconds just staring at my dick. Nerves were starting to eat away at my stomach lining. "What do I do? How do I make it go away?"

Jack leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "You've never..._you know_."

"I've never what?"

"Oh come on, Ennis. Don't act like you've never touched it before."I brought my hand to my boner and rubbed it a little. It felt kind of good. Jack watched.

"Well, yeah, I've touched it. I touch it everyday when I take a piss."

"I don't mean like that, dummy. I mean, like, touch it. _Really_ touch it."

I had no clue what the hell he was talking about, and I suddenly felt really, really stupid. "Jack...please don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Don't make me feel stupid."

"I'm not trying to make you feel stupid, I just thought you knew."

"Knew what?" I asked, throwing my hands in the air.

"Relax, man." Jack folded his legs Indian-style and turned in my direction. "Okay. You've heard of jerking off, right?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I think so." Wow, I felt retarded. Yes, I have heard of jerking off before, but I honestly hadn't a clue what it was all about. I wish I hadn't opened my big mouth.

"What do you know about it?" Jack asked, glancing at my crotch again.

"Um...isn't it when a guys thing...um..." I felt like I was gonna die of embarrassment right then and there. "I don't know, Jack."

"Oh...," Jack said quietly. "Well, I have an idea. Let's go to my house and ask Brandon. He'll explain it to you."

Jack's older brother, Brandon, is so cool. He's sixteen and has a zillion girlfriends. He looks a lot like Jack except his eyes are green. He and Jack are really close, unlike me and my brother. My brother's name is Mike. He's fifteen and moody and makes fun of me all the time.

"Why can't _you_ just tell me?" I asked.

"Well, I could, but I'm not really great with explaining this kind of stuff."

"Well...can't you just tell-"

"No, Ennis. You always have a lot of questions, and I know I won't be able to answer them. Come on. Let's just run to my house real quick before Brandon leaves."

"Okay..." We both stood up from the floor and stared at my boner again. "I can't leave the room like this."

"Put on a couple pairs of underwear. That should smoosh it down enough," Jack suggested.

"Good idea." I began rummaging through the top drawer of my bureau and pulled out two pairs of underwear. When I slid my pajama bottoms off, my penis bounced straight out like a miniature diving board.

"Wow. It's really swollen," Jack said, staring.

"I know," I replied, giving myself another rub.

I got dressed as quick as possible and we ran downstairs. "Mom! I'm goin' to Jack's house! Be back later!" I shouted, and we were out the door.

Jack's house always smells like cookies. I love it there.

I followed Jack upstairs and into Brandon's room.

Brandon's room was so rad. He has all these posters of half naked girls all over the ceiling and the biggest boombox I've ever seen.

"What do you dorks want?" Brandon asked, raking a comb through his hair. "I have a date."

Jack closed the door behind him. "Brandon, Ennis has a question for you."

I immediately elbowed Jack in the stomach. "I do not."

"Yes, you do. Go ahead and ask him."

Brandon narrowed his eyes to Jack's and then to mine. "Well? What is it?"

Jack nudged my shoulder with his . "Go on, ask him."

"I can't..."

"Come on you clowns, I really have to go. What is it, Ennis?" Brandon asked, slightly annoyed.

I felt my throat close up. I couldn't ask. No way. I've known Brandon for as long as I've known Jack. I usually feel totally comfortable around him, but not this time.

Jack groaned. "Well, since, Ennis is too chicken shit to ask...can you please explain the jerking off thing to him?"

Brandon chuckled and slapped his forehead with his palm. I lowered my head in shame. I felt so stupid and so embarrassed and kind of pissed off at the fact that Jack, my best friend, never told me about any of this. I thought he told me everything...

"So, what _do _you know about it?" Brandon asked. I refused to look up.

"Nothing..."

"Oh boy," Brandon muttered under his breath.

"That's what I said," Jack added.

"Oh shut up, Jack. Don't act like you're some sex-pert now," Brandon said. "You asked me the same question just two days ago."

I couldn't help but smile a little.

"Shut up," Jack hissed.

"Whatever, Jack." Brandon looked back in my direction. "Okay, Ennis. I'm gonna tell you straight out what the deal is, alright?"

Feeling a little more at ease, I looked up. I was all ears.

"So, when us guys get aroused, our dicks get hard. You know what aroused means, right?"

"It's when we get boner when we see a pretty girl, or something..."

"Yeah, somethin' like that. It doesn't take much. Just thinkin' about sex can...you know...make your shit hard," Brandon explained.

"Yeah, but...I woke up this morning _like that_, and I wasn't thinking about anything," I spit out. Jack was unusually quiet. I had a feeling he was just as clueless as I was.

"That's totally normal, dude. All guys wake up with morning-wood." Morning-wood? Never heard of it. I had to start writing this stuff down. I breathed a sigh of relief. Jack did the same.

"So...what do I do about it. I mean, when I get one and it doesn't go away?" Brandon is _always _chill, but I could tell this convo was making even him a little uncomfortable. I felt bad, but I _really_ needed to know about this stuff, and he was honestly the only one I could ask.

Brandon huffed out a breath. "You put some lotion on your dick and then rub it until you come. That's it."

I looked at Jack with a confused expression on my face, desperate for more answers.

"But what about-," Jack started to say.

"Look, dweebs. I gotta go. Don't your teachers teach you this crap in school?"

"No," Jack and I replied, simultaneously.

Brandon rolled his eyes and then walked over to his desk. He pulled out a little black book from the top shelf. "Here. Read this. _Don't _lose it, you hear me?" he said, handing Jack the mystery both nodded. "Alright, get out of my room. I gotta go."

We scurried into the hallway and then made a mad-dash into Jack's room.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I don't know. Come on, let's check it out."

We settled onto our stomachs on top of Jack's bed. Jack flipped to the first page. The title on the inside read: _Sex 101_. Jack and I stared at the glossary. It was heaven.

"Oh. My. God. Where do we start?"

"How about here?" Jack suggested, pointing to Chapter 3: _Masturbation._

"Yeah. There."

Jack turned to page 22, and there on the page in front of us was an illustrated drawing of an erect penis. It was big and had a lot of hair around it. I had a little hair coming in around mine, but not like that. I dragged my eyes away from the picture and looked at Jack.

"Do you have that much hair down there?" I asked. It had been a while since I saw Jack naked.

"A little. Wanna see?" He didn't even wait for my answer, he knew he didn't have to. Jack turned onto his side, facing me, and unzipped his jeans. "See?" he said proudly. We had about the same amount of hair, but Jack's was a lot darker and thicker than mine.

"Cool. Wanna see mine?"

"Yeah," Jack replied.

I unbuttoned my jeans and unzipped. My boner was still lingering, but not quite as bad.

"I can barely see it," Jack said.

"It's there. It's just not as dark as yours."

"Oh, yeah," Jack said, spidering his fingertips through the small patch of dirty-blond hairs surrounding my member. I kind of liked seeing Jack's hand down there. I don't know why.

"Okay, let's get back to business," Jack said, returning to the book. "Masturbation. Masturbation refers to touching one's sexual organs for pleasure. Other terms used to describe masturbation include, self-pleasure and self-love," Jack read aloud.

"That's jerking off, right?" I asked, just to clarify.

"Yeah. At least, that's what guys our age call it, I guess."

"Read the next part."

"Okay." Jack turned the page and continued to read aloud, "Generally a male will stroke his penis in the grip of his hand, sometimes using lubrication like Vaseline. After a while, he will climax and ejaculate, meaning a small amount of fluid will come out of the end of the penis." Jack paused and looked in my direction. I felt my dick get tingly again. I'm pretty sure Jack's did, too.

We turned onto our sides again and pulled our pants down. We were both half-hard.

"You do it first," Jack whispered.

"I thought you said you did this before," I whispered back.

"I...I lied."

"It's okay. I'm actually happy. I was kind of pissed at you earlier for not telling me about all this."

"Sorry."

"We need Vaseline, right?" I asked.

"Yeah."

Jack was just about to get out of bed, when Brandon came barging into the room. We scrambled to shove our boners back into our jeans.

"What the_ hell _are you two doing?" Brandon's eyes were wild.

"Get out!" Jack hollered, fumbling with his zipper. "Don't you knock?"

Brandon stormed over to the bed and snatched his little black book from Jack's pillow. "That's enough of this," he said.

"Oh come on, Brandon! We were just looking at it!" Jack exclaimed.

"What's going on up there?" Jack's mom shouted.

"Nothing!" Brandon replied, and quietly closed the door. He approached the bed and just stared at us. "Look," he said calmly. "I know you're curious and that's totally normal, but...you guys can't be..."

"Can't be what?" Jack asked.

"You can't be touching each other and stuff, okay? It's not normal."

"Why?" Jack asked. I really wanted to know, too. We're best friends and it wasn't like we were having sex or anything. _God.._.

Brandon placed a sympathetic hand on Jack's back and sat beside him. "Look, I know you guys are real close, but there are certain things that you can't do with each other, okay? Touching and looking at each other's dicks is one of them."

"But, Brandon, Ennis is my best friend, we-"

Brandon shot out of bed, his patience had gone out the window. "Yeah, I know! You guys are frigging weird. Just stop with the gay shit, alright? It's not cool."

"Gay shit?" Jack said.

"Never mind," Brandon snapped. "Just act normal, okay? And keep your hands off each other's dicks, or I'm gonna tell mom."

"Screw you, Brandon! We're not weird!" Jack shouted.

"Whatever." Brandon tucked his book under his arm and hurried out of Jack's bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Jack and I looked at each other for a second and then looked at our laps.

"He's just a jerk, Ennis. Don't listen to him."

"We're not weird, Jack...are we?"

"I don't think so...Do you?"

"I dunno...No." I started to think about all the other guys in our grade and what they do together on the weekends or whenever. It couldn't be _that_ much different from what Jack and I do. Okay, we do watch _90210_, and maybe that's considered weird, since it's kind of a girly show. And we sometimes sleep in the same sleeping bag when we camp out in my backyard, but that's just to keep warm, and so that we don't have to talk so loud when we have private things to tell each other. That's not weird. I don't know. I give up.

We sat in silence for a few seconds. I didn't know what to say, but something had to give. I waited for Jack to fix things, he always does.

"Tell you what," Jack said. His voice sounded happy and like he had a solution. I smiled.

"What?"

"Since, Mr. Know-it-All, is convinced that we're weird and stuff, let's start a secret club. Just you and me."

"Okay." I liked the sound of that. In fact, anything that involved just me and Jack I liked. "What kind of club?"

"I don't know. How about a club where we only talk about sex and jerking off. Crap like that."

"Alright." I liked the sound of that even more.

"Okay, here are the rules, though. We can't talk about sex unless we're in the club house, okay? Not in school, not in our rooms, not anywhere, just in the clubhouse."

"Where's our clubhouse gonna be?"

"Hm. Well, we could fix up the old tree house in my backyard. That would be a perfect place," Jack suggested.

"Yeah! That's a great idea!"

"Cool."

"So, what do we do in this club?" I asked.

"Research."

"Sex research?"

"Yeah. From now on, anything and everything we hear about sex, we must report to the clubhouse and write it down. And I mean _anything_."

"That sounds like an awesome idea, Jack. Actually, I have a journal that my gram gave me for Christmas that I've never even opened. We could use that to write in."

"Good. Okay, I think we need to start keeping track of our boners to start," Jack suggested.

"You think?"

"Yeah. I think it's important for us to know how many we're averaging a day, just to be sure we're normal and all. Don't you?"

"Well, yeah," I replied, counting in my rose from the bed.

"Alright, let's get our butts in gear and start fixing up that tree house. We have lots of work to do."

TBC

*Note* The next chapters of the Dirty Diary can be found on my Live Journal Page at: .com/

Due to the age of the guys in the Dirty Diary, this story is F-Locked. But PLEASE don't hesitate to friend me! Feedback is much appreciated :)


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